09 June 2014

Job Hunting: The rejection of the masses

Why must it always end in tears and bread?

Yeah. This is pretty much how I feel right now.

And this is what I'm doing about it.

05 June 2014

The DRAKE post

You knew it was coming.

Why am I so obsessed with Drake?

Why does half the female population of the universe ask itself that question?

And then I put on 'Take Care' and my normally tough, insatiably inquisitive nature becomes all gooey and dreamy and romantic.

Yeah, well there you go.

His music is so different... I don't know, it's just...

Whatever. Just listen.

04 June 2014

Dating Hell Episode 3

Aaaaand one more time now.

I'm giving the online dating thing a whirl (again) more seriously this time around. And I've joined a site I'd heard about but hadn't really considered. Let's call it the Rare Animal Zoo.

RAZ for short.

This one might need some explaining. You see, thanks to my disillusionment with Fish, Zebras, and Porcupines, I've realised that the type of boy-animal I'm really looking for is most likely endangered due to habitat loss. The encroachment of the 'Laddius Maximus' and 'Creepus Doofus'  have essentially driven him into hiding.

So I've gone to the RAZ - originally I mistook it for just another London Zoo, and I think it probably is on the down low, but I was really surprised, there are some pretty interesting guys on there, and I'm actually starting to enjoy checking my messages...

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! 

I should probably make it clear (if it isn't already obvious due to the amount of time between these posts) that I'm not a serial dating type. I'm no poacher, and I'm not a fussy fur lover either. I'm just a fairly specific kind of girl-animal, vaguely wanting a boy-animal of a similar species.

Normal enough right?

We shall see, but all the signs are looking good so far. I've got a date on Thursday.

22 May 2014


I don't usually like subscriptions, but I've got two now that I don't want to let go of: my Netflix account, and Graze.

The latter is really uncharacteristic for me: I'm not really a snack person. I like a meal when I'm hungry, full-stop. However, since starting at my new job, I've found that I need to put something - anything- in my mouth at certain points during the day. A lot of the time I'm not even hungry, I just want food to be there, waiting, for me to put in my face.

I have no idea what's happening to me.

As one of those insufferable bastards who pride themselves on a naturally healthy diet: i.e., didn't even have to try, grew up eating all the right things (do you detect a hint of smugness?), and absolutely love fruits and veggies and all that wonderful, healthy stuff, I am seriously bothered by my increasing desire for decidedly more unhealthy foodstuffs between mealtimes.

At home, my snacking consists of whole punnets of different fruits. Not so at work. It's hard to smuggle in a whole fresh-fruit stand for your personal use: there's just no where to put it.

So enter my saviour: the graze box. I can pat myself on the back until I bring up a smug little grin of satisfaction. 

It's got snacks in.

Fruit-related ones.

And the odd cake.

Which is perfect for a massive snack-monster like myself apparently. But in all honestly, the graze box is pretty tasty (no they didn't pay me to write this, but here's hoping there might be some free snackage in it for me one day? HINT HINT.)

It's all part of my super plan, aptly named: Eat smart, not shi- well you know.

With any luck, it will stop me acquiring a permanent ban from the snack aisle at Tescos, and as an additional bonus, the size of the four tiny packets is prohibitive enough that in order to stave off some serious 'Ate it all yesterday' regret, one must actually curb one's desire to massacre the lot in one sitting. Thus, my newly developed habit will hopefully, become a thing of the past.

Gotta say yes to that.

01 April 2014

A Moment - Please

I am always afraid of what I might get used to.

I've only just realised that after months or even years of carefully avoiding something that really isn't all that bad, and finally caving in, the thing that stopped me in the first place was my fear that I'd eventually get used to it.

I wonder how many other things in life I refuse to take part in because I'm worried that having once tried something, I will never stop needing it?

Tonight's particular pleasure is something so utterly mundane, that it really surprises me that I've put up with the intolerable for so long instead: earplugs.

These lovely french ones in fact:
Quies, sleep aid, earplugs

Foolishness no?

I could've spared myself a significant amount of exhaustion over the last 6 months  if I'd just purchased some (the creaking of the floorboards overhead whenever someone walks by at 6am is absolutely deafening. Urgh. I get tired just thinking about it). But I was terrified that once I started using them, I'd either a) find them uncomfortable (so what, exactly, is wrong with that?)  or b) get used to them and be unable to sleep without them for the forseeable future.

Sometimes, I think the little girl in me is the one doing all the thinking. I literally feel like I have to explain to myself very carefully that it's going to be fine, and if I don't like them, I don't have to wear them. Good grief.


12 February 2014


I've always enjoyed my dreams - when I have them. My brain knows what I like after all, and I usually remember them the next day in some detail (although sometimes I only remember the feelings...).

I think last night's dream was a good example though. I was taking a small (faceless) crew of people into outer space in a bubble that I made float with sheer willpower. 

There were demons at certain altitudes which we judiciously avoided, and I remember flying us out over the ocean to build up the speed to launch and dodging the sharks below us that we're leaping out towards us like breaching salmon (really really big salmon with massive teeth).

 It was weirdly beautiful. I saw the sunlight on the water, the rushing of the waves, and the atmosphere was a multicolored forcefield that we burst though as we launched into space.  

The night before I dreamed that I'd gotten my nose pierced. I wore a rather cute blue stud in it. Ace. 

11 January 2014

Dating Hell: Episode 2

And so it begins again.

Let's call him Porcupine.

He's not my type.

To be fair though, I've dated a fair bit of the animal kingdom regardless of genus or species. I'm not even sure if I *have* a type. But I know this: he's not it.

I don't *get* Porcupine.

You may have been tipped off by all the stars in this post that this whole things strikes me as pretty ironic. Before meeting my spiky friend, I said things like "I like guys who are intense",  and my personal favourite:  "Most guys just aren't serious, they take everything as a joke and it's so annoying!"


What the heck did I know about 'serious' or 'intense'? After meeting Porcupine, I can safely say that I've been educated.

It is not- definitely not- not at all - not going to happen. Don't get me wrong, he's sweet - in the same way that his namesake is sweet until it spikes your face full of pointy sharp things:

Poor, poor baby!
I just don't see us working out. As the great poets have said, life is full of pain. No need to go looking for it.

03 January 2014

These are Not New Year's Resolutions (Better Late than Never)

It's been a long 2013 - but 2014 is still shiny and new, and squeaks when you touch it. It also feels a bit space-aged for me, what with the whole 'we don't actually use the flying cars' thing going on.

I stopped making new year's resolutions last year. I never kept them, mostly because it was mostly a bit of self flagellation in which I drafted a list of ways in which I "needed to change and be more confident and become a better person" i.e., super nebulous and utterly useless.

Sometimes what you need to fix isn't you, it's your hair. Or your make-up. Or the way you see yourself in the damn mirror to begin with.

So here they are: the Not resolutions for 2014:

1. Be good. (and slightly less cryptic.)
2. Grow my hair to my hips (or nearly).
3. Give guys a chance! (Hah! Peace is easier.)
4. Get back on the Blogwagon
5. Make more videos (you want to see them right? Who cares. I wanna make 'em.)
6. Wear more of my jewelry
7. Eat better. Eat well. Cook more.
8. Organisation!
10. Do that thing I always wanted to do.
11. Study a language
12. Travel

This is my list.

What does yours look like?
Happy 2014 :)